A Break Down of the Night...Or Should I Say, A Night With a Breakdown

Fortunately nights like last night are becoming fewer. But being one who really needs some decent sleep, I don't handle nights like last night very well. Handling the following day in this state is another story (see my post on Sleep Deprivation).

I sometimes wonder where my kids get their tempers...I don't want to admit, it is probably from me.

• 10:28 pm - I turn off the light and nestle my head into my pillow. A big, happy sigh and I am off to a wonderful dream filled sleep within 5 minutes.
• 11:28 pm - Jimmy starts crying and moaning. Damn. I drag my groggy self down the hall to his room. "What's wrong honey?" "My ear hurts." "OK, let me get you some ear drops." Here we go with another ear infection. Note to self, call Kaiser in the morning.
• 11:41 pm - As I head back down the hall to nestle back into my bed, Alyssa crys. Really? Shit! I pit stop at her room, stick a pacifier back in her mouth and tip toe out of the room.
• 11:42 pm - Aaahhh. Sleep, here I come.
• 11:47 pm - Alyssa begins to cry. Pacifier is not working. F@&K!! I roll out of bed and try to put the pacifier back in. No. That is proceeding to make her more agitated. I am standing over her crib, annoyed. This beautiful baby that I love so much, fussing, crying, eyes are still closed...I hate you right now. I pick her up and feed her.
• 12:05 am - I am nursing Alyssa and thinking the night is not a total loss yet. It is only midnight. After I am done here, I can go right to sleep. Then I can sleep until 7am and all will be good. I start to relax.
• 12:12 am - Jimmy begins to cry again. Shit, I am nursing the baby. Do I pull her off and upset her? Do I let Jimmy cry until I am done? Doug is sound asleep.
• 12:15 am - I pull Alyssa off, put a pacifier in her mouth, lay her in her crib and move on to tend to Jimmy. "What's the matter baby?" "My ear still hurts." "OK, let me get you some Tylenol." Paige sits up in her bed. I look over at her. "What are you doing honey?" "I need to go potty." Great. For such small people, they seem to have the loudest footsteps on the hardwood floors. I realize Alyssa has gone back to sleep, so to not risk waking her up when Godzilla makes her way down the hall, I carry Paige to the bathroom. Jimmy continues to cry until I return with the Tylenol. "Here you go sweetheart, now close your eyes and try to get some sleep."
• 12:22 am - OK, I am back in bed. All 3 kids have been tended to and we should all be entering dream land and not emerging until at least 6:30 am.
• 1:26 am - I am exiting dream land. Jimmy is saying something. He is not really crying, but he is moaning a sentence over and over. F@&K! WHAT NOW! I pull the covers up over my head. Maybe if I pretend I don't hear him, he will stop. His moaning begins to escalate. Now I am pissed. I bolt up out of bed, throw on my robe then pick up a slipper and throw it at the closet door while quietly screaming profanities. No, I am not pregnant. Doug wakes up.
• 1:30 am - "Jimmy what is the matter?" "I need you to take my band-aid off." Are you fucking serious? Of course, I didn't say that to him, but I wanted to. I pull the band-aid off and with as much calm as I can muster up at that very moment, I looked at his sweet little face and said, "mommy is trying to sleep, so please go to sleep. I love you." Sweet kisses to the forehead. I am out.
• 1:34 am - I release a big sigh as my head hits the pillow. Ooohhh, the bed is still warm, Nice. Doug: "What's going on?" Me: "Jimmy's ear hurts. I will call Kaiser in the morning." Re-entering dream land.
• 2:24 am - Alyssa begins to cry. Oh my fucking god! I pull the covers over my head and pretend I don't exist. Doug gets up. He puts the pacifier back in and returns to bed. She hasn't stopped crying. "I just fed her 2 hours ago, she can't be hungry!" I scream.
• 2:26 am - I am becoming increasingly agitated. Why am I not allowed to sleep tonight? Doug gets up. I hear fumbling around, mobile goes on and quiet. He returns. Me: "What did you do?" Doug: "Put baby Orajel on her gums." Excellent.
• 2:30 am - Back to sleep.
• 3:22 am - Alyssa starts to cry again. Doug is asleep. I get up, go to her room, grab the Tylenol, squirt a dose into her tiny mouth and plug it with a pacifier. I climb back into bed. The night is a total loss. I can't even be mad anymore.
• 6:30 am - I hear a baby crying. I feel like I am coming out of a coma. I look at the clock, it is morning. I fade out.
• 7:12 am - I hear voices. Little voices. It is a school day, I need to get up. In exactly one hour I need to call Kaiser, get dressed, feed 3 little people, dress 3 little people, make sure I have Paige's medicine, toys and show & tell and pack a diaper bag with all the necessities to last me until 1:00 pm. A shower? Who has time for that luxury?